Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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