woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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