girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
