why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would fuck him just for his dog
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
