I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
