Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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