I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
