this beer tastes like vomit already
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
