In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
