its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
