There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
