What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
