Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
