Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
