would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
