On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
