Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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