Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
