Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
