saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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