If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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