Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
