It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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