At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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