She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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