what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
