i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
