My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
