What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
