i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
