I cockslap morals
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
