First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
