I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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