I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he fucked my hip out of place.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
