she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
