I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
