he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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