VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
