I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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