cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
