If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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