is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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