She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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