No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
