I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
