he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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