We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
