just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Drake has all the answers
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
