i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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