it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
