Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
