Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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