i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
