there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
