I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
