i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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