do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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