Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
