Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
