Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
