I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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