just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
