I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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