i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize