i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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