pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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