Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
