I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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