A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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