I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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