The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I enjoy the company of your penis
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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