dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
