fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
