How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
