I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
