Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my phone needs a breathalizer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
