Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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