I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
