So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
