i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
