Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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