just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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