i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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