on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
