i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
