I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
