My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
