Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
