Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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