do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
