My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
