i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
