I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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