if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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