Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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