Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i drank out of a bidet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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