im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize