Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
