I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
