Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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