I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
