Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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