He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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