So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
