I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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