Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
