i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
