You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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