My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
