So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
