I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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