Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
