i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
