and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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