Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sober January is a disaster.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
