That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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