U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize