He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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