4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize