I don't usually arrange sex via text message
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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