just tell him i said nine months
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
