My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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