I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
